Beginning of another month…

I am obsessed with horoscopes. People will say that my sign does not matter, and this is an excuse to act the way you do. I would agree. It does not matter when I was born, it does not matter what month or day I am still me. My infatuation with learning more about my birth chart had waned to the point where it almost disappeared. 2025 drained me (in my Marlo voice). I did not care about my interests; I did not care about my beliefs or even believing in something. I had completely given up. Student loans. Turning thirty. Not going after dreams and ideas. Focusing on these jobs that are not going to get me anywhere but 30-year trophy when I retire if I am lucky. As this summer shifted to August, my birthday, it has really hit me that if I do not take one step this is it. This will be my life going into my thirties. This will be my life going into my 40s and so on. No relief. No feeling of support. Just exhaustion in an unfulfilled life.

I hate making steps into the unknown. At 18 years old I knew I was going to go to college and finally start a beautiful life. That did not happen. I worked, I scraped, I tried and I survived. I graduated from college with no new experiences and that created a new shame. That maybe something was wrong with my struggle, it was my only friend, the only thing I could depend on even in new environments. 18 turned in 22. At 22 years old I knew I was going to law school. My whole life I was smart, mouthy, sarcastic and witty, the perfect little Virgo set up for the perfect little lawyer. But the thing about plans is that struggle can be a real tangible thing that you can touch. You can see how one wrong move will leave you on the street, hungry at the mercy of the world. I got an offer for a corporate job and when my road split, I took the “easy” route, the safe route. YouTube was taking off, everyone one around me was on Instagram and vlogging. I didn’t understand how that could make you money or career so I put my head down, clocked in/out every day and hopped that my yearly pay increases would pay off, it didn’t. 3 years spent at this temp corporate job and covid hit. I was the ripe age of 25 when your frontal lobe fully develops and I decided I am living my home state and going to the wild west…. Texas. I wanted to go to California but with Covid and prices I talked myself into the safer option Texas. Now you probably see a pattern at this point. Every 3 years I get an urge to change. To tap back into my true desire for my future. I see a big future for myself, and it doesn’t include the me I am today. So, we jumped to 30. The big 30. Now I am on TikTok watching the versions of me I dreamed about at 18 years old  staring back at me with other women who went for it, who didn’t change their plans who are having world trips and birthday vacations for their thirtieth while I have to debate if I have the PTO to take the day from calls. I don’t want to be a Debby downer, and comparison is the thief of joy. While I attempted to shut off those thoughts of embarrassment, unhappiness, jealousy, unfulfillment, dissatisfaction I realized today. This day August 05, 2025. KJ the Virgo has to start acting like a Virgo. I have to believe in me more than anyone, I have to create a plan and stick to it and primarily realize that I must walk all paths alone and fearlessly.

As I went along this long journey (I apologize for the tirade), I want you to know that these thoughts are not unique to you and they are not unique to me. Since these thoughts are not new there is a path that we just have not found yet that will unlock our peace. Peace is what I am aiming for, and I hope we can all achieve.

KJ the Virgo